Me and my dreams

One fine day...

I had this absolutely brilliant idea that I should learn baking. Sophie Kinsella's books, Nigella Lawson's cookery show and the movie Julie & Julia mounted to enough inspiration. My parents were not very keen on this new enterprise, considering the number of times I have ventured to learn stuff but never finished. As always I was adamant.

I spent considerable amount of time reading up on baking and decided that the best way to learn is by practice. So I enrolled for a baking class. Well, where there is a will there is a way. Off I go to discover the nuances of baking and what a joyful experience. Students aged 10 to 70 worked together to make cup cakes and tea cakes.

Sweet daughter that I am, I returned home with a box of delectable cupcakes and a footnote "get me an oven and mixer and pan and blah blah". It was like those coaching classes that kids go to. They go for a day and come back with a long list of required paraphernalia - without which they cannot go a step more in furthering their knowledge.

What a hassle. I set about browsing through web site after web site catering to baking implements. Made endless lists of the stuff that I needed, picked the brand, compared the price and what not. As luck would have it, they stopped shipping to my state of residence. Something to do with taxes and import (or was it export, I always get it wrong).

I wasn't ready to give up. I shifted my focus to getting an oven. The process of browsing and comparing was repeated. But this time my effort was fruitful. I bought an oven.

That done, I pored over recipes available on-line. I came across this web site which give a detailed tutorial on baking basics for beginners and they suggested a simple recipe to begin with. So simple that even kids can do it. That sounded like the best one to start off my baking experiments.

I bought all the ingredients and found substitutes for stuff that I didn't want to buy right away - like a glass bowl gifted by a textile showroom, a mini mixer borrowed from my friend and cup cake liners instead of the pan. I was so excited I was literally bouncing on my toes.

One fine day...

I followed the instructions to the letter. I measured everything precisely, chopped, sieved, sautéed the ingredients, whisked away and set everything out in neat little bowls. I felt one step closer to Nigella :) Beautifully decorated brownies went into the oven with the temperature and time set as suggested in the recipe. 5 mins down and it smelled awesome. Fragrance of vanilla extract and butter spread around the kitchen and I revelled in it. I was sceptical about the 10 mins suggested in the recipe, but I decided to give it a go.

One minute later, the fragrance turned into smoke. Ouch!!!!! I quickly opened the oven to find the little cups of brownie mixture emitting deadly fumes. I was hopeful. It was just 1 min of burning. How bad could it be. I snatched one and peeled of the paper cup. And I realised the bitter truth. Only the bottom half was burnt, the top half was charred black. I couldn't even bite down :( Oh the woe.

I dutifully cleaned up the kitchen, put everything back into its place and decided that I was giving up on baking forever.

Lo, behold. I forgot about my parents. They would never let me get disheartened by such epic failures. My Mom insisted that I try again. My Dad blamed it all on the oven, obviously I could never do anything wrong :D But I conceded defeat.

I slept over it and woke up with renewed enthusiasm. I decided to try it again. What was the worse that I could do?? Burn it?? Been there, done that.

So I gave it another shot. The same recipe, the same ingredients and the same steps. I did it all over again, but with lesser bounce in my step. I was heedful every minute, after all I knew what a minute could do to my poor brownies.

Thankfully, the second attempt came out well. It wasn't as good as the brownies that you get in hotshot bakeries. But, mind you, it was edible and tasty too.

And thus,

one fine day... I began living another dream. Baking :)

Proud owner :-)

Never thought I would say this, but here I am. Admitting I was wrong. About e-readers, smartphones, diamonds, friendship and true love.

Wonderful days..

Wonderful days like today are rare. When you get to meet old friends. Share gossip. Talk about past and future. Meet their mini-versions, running around on small feet.

Dhanya got married today. Giving us 25K girls a chance to meet up again.

Congrats Dhanya on getting married. Wish you and Deepak a wonderful life together.

And thanks to both of you from all of us for giving a chance to re-unite :)

Isn't it nice?

What you can do today, don't keep it for tomorrow. Ha ha ha.

I am not being philosophical. I tried this and it really felt nice.

I emailed a long lost friend. To be honest, I wasn't expecting a response. But when the email alert popped up on my screen, I felt exalted. Seriously!

Reminiscing, recollecting, relishing those memories. We mailed each other about things that were, and things that are. And I truly want her to be part of things that will come.

Who said cyber world kills friendships? I don't think it is true. In fact calling her up seemed so difficult. Explaining what my life is now, asking questions about her life. Excuses for the long gap in between. All that were major hurdles which stopped me from calling. But what the heck! A two-line email sorted out all that.

If you are reading this (doesn't matter if you are a stranger), I want you to send an email to a friend. A long lost one, preferably.

And when their reply pops up on your screen, a smile spreads on your face. Isn't it a nice feeling?

Long time, no see...

It has been a very very very long time since I wrote something. Apart from the contribution to our in-house newsletter or the odd rephrasing of a paragraph, I haven't written anything.

That is not a major loss, considering the fact that I am no published author. And I don't have a fanfare awaiting my next work (Thank God for small favours :D).

65 years of independence, has blessed me with the power to speak freely.

So here I go. From today on, I will write something every time a silly thought occurs. Even if it is only me who is going to read it.

My thoughts today.... How come the most implausible relationships work out?

Where everyone saw doom, some couples managed to work it out. I'm unashamed to say, I am JEALOUS!!! And congratulations to all of you, who achieved it :)

Memories of her

I heard the distant sounds of the muezzin calling out the adhan. Somewhere in my mind I knew it was the second one that evening. The Isha'a. That felt odd, because I heard the Maghrib few minutes back. Or was that one hour back? I was not sure.

The past hour was a blur to me. So was the past couple of days and the people whom I had met during those days. All of it had become one confusion. I had smiled solemnly and asked the appropriate questions. Served the food and drinks, depending on the time of the day and the preference of the guest. But now I couldn't recollect faces nor their choices.

I had walked the length of the huge house at least a hundred times. Carrying messages, plates, glasses. Dragging along aching feet and a heavy heart.

Given a chance I would have run to some corner and drowned myself in tears.

But I couldn't do that. There were guests to attend to. People who had come to pay their respects to an old lady, who had lived a full life and passed on to another world.

They were here to show that they had cared about her and they too felt the loss.

She was no saint. She had the virtues and vices of being a woman.

During her 84 years on earth my grandmother had touched many lives. Given shelter to many in her home. Been a guide to children and grandchildren.

My sister and I had grown up under her watch in our ancestral home. She was an integral part of our childhood. There were few memories that would not include her.

She had sat with me during midnight studies and late night movies. She had enjoyed watching cricket and she adored Sachin. She had cried when Rajiv Gandhi passed away. She told us stories from the epics, while feeding us dinner. She encouraged us to play with kids in the neighborhood. She insisted that we should be back home before dark(being children, we used to hate it). She scolded us when we didn't study well. She prepared 'paayasam' on special occasions and would let us help her. She taught us about being children, being girls and then about being women.

Walking around the house, devoid of her presence, felt like walking over broken glass pieces. Each piece a memory, that pierced you and hurt you.

I watched her leave the house for the last time, carried by her sons, nephews and grandsons. My sister and I hugged each other and cried our hearts out. After that we had been busy with the guests.

I was listening to the adhan two nights later sitting at the table in our kitchen. My family was also there around the table. All busy with their tasks. We were cleaning and chopping, preparing for the next day.

Amongst all the hustle and bustle of the days, we forgot to cry. The people around us gave us a reason to remain sane. Their presence pushed us hard to go through daily chores. The pain was there but it was not tearing us down. They were around us like a shield, keeping us away from the pain.

I knew they wouldn't be there forever. It was just for a couple of days and after that they would be gone. But this would help us to get over the worst.

I know I will remember her always and all the values that she instilled would remain in me.

I know I can only treasure whatever she gave me and that I cannot create any more memories about her.

These days of sorrow, struggling and support would be the last chapter in the book of memories of my grandmother.

Tear

A tear is born.

It emerges from its birth place into a new world. It slips from my eyes and rolls down my cheek.

Beginning a long journey. Not knowing that at end of the journey it will be shattered into droplets.

While slipping it hopes that somebody will catch it. Someone will stop it from falling, by a loving gesture or a warm smile.

It wishes to be saved before it loses itself in the earth's womb.

Little does it know that the world doesnt have any tear-stoppers. Its only tear-makers that walk the earth.

When it reaches its destination it joins millions of it cousins, who suffered the same fate of hope and dejection.

And together they wait for the next one.